From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
