My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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