Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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