bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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