Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
