I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it because I queefed?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
