How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
