I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
