new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
