OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
