Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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