I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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