i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
