My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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