people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
