i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
