Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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