I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My feet surprised me
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