I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
