The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
