my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
