I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I smell stomach acid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
