how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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