hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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