lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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