It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
