Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
