i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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