it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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