I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
