I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
