Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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