Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
