my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
