I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
