it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
