So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
