dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
