I think my fart just growled at me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
