I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
