ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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