did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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