i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
