You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
