I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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