Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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