i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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