Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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