Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
