Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize