And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
