I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
