i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
