yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
