a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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