If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
