we made out on top of his cat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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