I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
