I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
