Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A+ Viking dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
