i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
