I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
