i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize