1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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