I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
