I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
