my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
