he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
