we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
