I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
