Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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