I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
