she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
