Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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