Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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