My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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